Monday, October 29, 2012


Be warned, dear reader, that this post contains some disturbing images.  Seriously, I have some photos of my face after a very terrible and traumatic cycling accident that occurred in 2006.  My face made love to the asphalt like nobody's business, but I assure you that I am not trying to shock or disgust you.  I feel they're pertinent.  Not quite as pertinent as this, however:

This was poor Guy's defeat when he realized we were going out without him Saturday night.  Is that sweetness or what?  This is why we almost never go out... and leave that face?  Come on (a la GOB Bluth)!  Now let's get gross...

Harvey Dent:


Mrs. Roger Federer:

To see the real extent of the damage, you need to click and enlarge the photo... or don't.  This was about 12 hours after the accident.  I had gone into work and people started crying when they saw me.  Finally I agreed to go home.  Side note:  I lost my right front tooth in this ordeal and a fireman found it in the gutter, IN ONE PIECE, and they put it back in.  Craziness.

For many years the scars on my face were almost completely unnoticeable except the one under my nose, which is, oddly, a white scar.  This past June we went on the dreamiest vacation to the Kona Coast on the big island of Hawaii with my family. 

Guess who's allergic to the sun?  Seriously, I AM ALLERGIC TO THE FREAKING SUN, Y'ALL!  In order not to be covered in sun rash and pain the whole trip, my husband and I took quite a few visits to the tanning salon.  I paid for it because now you can see more of my scars, but I still had one hell of a vacation.  I call on the powers of retinols to save me!  

So, this is me today.  Sorry about the crap quality, but I'm stuck with Photo Booth until our iPhones get here.  For some reason these photos and the photo from the accident are showing my scarring on different sides of my face.  In person, it is on the right side of my face.  The "diagram" on the left is me after washing my face with my Clarisonic Mia and Neutragena naturals face wash, followed by Dr. Dennis Gross' retinols (I could not resist using them again today), then a generous dosing of La Mer eye cream, a slathering of Cr√®me de la Mer, a thorough coverage of La Mer's SPF 30 fluide, and finally a lip hydration thanks to Sugar by fresh (it has SPF 15 and I swear by it!).  The photo on the right is me in every day make-up.  Like going to the grocery store make-up.

As you can see I have some worry lines on my forehead.  Makes sense since I am the greatest worrier since Telly from Sesame Street and my handicapped brother.  Let's go through the diagram, shall we?

A: those are burst blood vessels or something.  They make people in the make-up industry CRAZY.  I don't mind them and I don't care for base, or whatever they call a full face concealer these days.  It's just too much.
B: this points out two scars from the accident.  The one above my eye was not even noticeable until the tanning booth.
C: the white scar that I have actually had people in bars point out to me like I didn't get all my cocaine up there.  Seriously?! Seriously.  People are dumb.
D: another scar from the tanning booth's revenge.
E: a HUGE clogged pore that I picked at (SHAME ON ME).

The photo on the right is me with some Benefit Erase Paste (under eye, down the nose, in the creases on the sides of the nose, above the divot in my top lip, and the center of my chin), Benefit's Ooh la Lift, some generic mineral powder that I'll hang onto until I can get THIS, my favourite Chanel blush that I'm sure is discontinued and is probably 15 years old (don't judge!), Clinique's bottom lash mascara (this product is an absolute MUST... for everyone.  You will thank me later):

and, finally, L'Oreal's Voluminous Million Lashes in waterproof on the top lashes.  I swear by the latter because I SOBBED through my entire wedding ceremony (I am sentimental to a fault) and it did not budge:

At any rate, do you have any suggestions to make this face more palatable (ooooh... punny!)?  And I still need eyeshadow suggestions.

Have you ever had some crazy facial accident?  How do you handle the scarring?


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