Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Zoolander: The Canine Chronicles

I have wonderful news!

Pascale Lemire, the wonder who brought us Dog Shaming, is creating a book and Guy is going to be featured in it!!!  OMGZ!  I had this darling photo that I sent in to the website 2 or 3 times.  I'm not going to lie; I was totally affronted that it wasn't posted.  Looks like they were saving it for a more permanent and selective home!  I authorized the publication today and cannot wait to purchase said book, carry it everywhere, and make EVERYONE I come into contact with admire Guy's mug.  Seriously, I am totally freaking out with happiness up in this piece.  

Remember how I started pulling oil with coconut oil in hopes of whitening and strengthening my teeth?  

Well, it's not working.  At least it's not whitening.  I stopped for the last four days, but I think I'm going to start again as I won't know how it has affected my hair, nor the strength of my teeth until I get into my hairdresser and dentist respectively.  I'm super bummed about the whole whitening bit.  I had high hopes.  The only real visible difference I've taken note of so far is that my nails are pretty smooth.  My index finger on my right hand got a snag very low in the nail that caused very painful and bloody tearing.  It healed a week to a week and a half faster than these tragedies normally do.  I suppose I'll start up again tomorrow.  I mean, it's not going to kill me, right?

I mentioned before that I love Prana Yoga for massage and that still remains true, but I finally had a MASSAGE!  I mean the kind where the masseur (in this case) takes you seriously when you say that EVERYTHING hurts along with areas that are particularly problematic.  

Je T'aime,

My husband treated us to a couple's massage for Valentine's Day:

We love a couple's massage when we can afford to sneak one in.  It helps me to have my sweetie in the room so that I don't feel obligated to make conversation with the therapist... seriously, what is wrong with me?  (Prana doesn't have a couple's massage room, FYI).  There was a spa we were pretty happy with that went out of business.  Then we thought we would finally see what all the hype (and expense) was with the Kura Door.  Ummmm... I am putting it at the top of my three WORST massages EVER because it was so damn expensive (I remember all three vividly.  I hold a serious grudge against a sucky massage).  So, yeah, if we're going to fork out the dough, the Grand America is where it's at.  Be sure to bring a swimsuit so that you can enjoy the indoor pool and jacuzzi before you hit up the sauna and the steam room.

And then there were these (which I have since given up for Lent among other vices).  

Je T'aime (too much for my own good),

The photo above is HALF of what I ordered- after several consecutive days of going in for smaller batches.  I LOVE macarons.  I also love macaroons, but not nearly, nor so dearly as I love the former.  And these are the BEST (that I've found in Utah).  So, I gave 6 to my grandmother and saved 18 to last me and my husband a few days.  Yeah right.  I ate 6 right away.  Then I snuck in 3 more.  Then I got some bad news and plowed through the remaining 9- I ATE EIGHTEEN MACARONS IN ONE BRIEF SITTING I AM DISGUSTING I CAN'T EVEN USE PUNCTUATION I AM SO KANYE-ED UP ABOUT THIS SCHIZZ!!!  I always thought the term sugar high was... well, just a term.  I may as well have just bought cocaine and snorted it.  My whole body was buzzing.  I could not see straight.  I could not concentrate.  And, to my great dismay, I could not sleep.  Thus, I snuck the beautiful, delicious, and deadly macaron into my give-up-for-Lent list.  Now, those of you with self-control, rush your little butts to Les Madeleines and TREAT YOSELF!  

So, let's (quite belatedly) wrap-up or whatever:


Monday: We were invited to sup with our friends, Carol and Tom.  Carol whipped up some awesome chicken tacos with caramelized onions and chard and all the fixins.

Tuesday: Italian wedding soup... I made this not too long ago and I'm probably making it again this Sunday.  It is amazeballs and healthy!  I halved the soup, but made all of the meatballs for another meal per usual.

Wednesday: leftovers

Thursday: Buffalo chicken meatball subs with homemade bleu cheese dressing.

Friday: We ordered nepalese after our massages from Kathmandu... super delicious.

Saturday:  Pizza... so, sue me!

Sunday: We had brunch at Pig & a Jelly Jar with our friends, Steve and Amy.  I have been meaning to try this place for a while now and it did not disappoint.  The chicken and waffles were a yuppie/health conscious version of the OG southern comfort of all comforts.  And they were totally awesome.  Everything was.  Later we headed to my parents' where my mother had prepared what even she thought was a very subpar chicken dish.

Hit up my Pinterest for the soup recipe.  And many others.  You will thank me.

And I will now thank you, dear reader, for letting me sneak in my wrap-up at the last minute.  You are a gem.  And a Jem! 

If you want to be or whatever. (Show time, Synergy).


Sunday, February 17, 2013

We'll Talk Soon... Very Soon.

It's been a long week and I have a whole bunch of nonsense to relay to y'all:

But I am just sick as all get out AND my husband laid a very pressing editing job on me at the very last minute... as he is wont to do.  Remember how I edit biomedical research papers for submission to medical/chemical/clinical journals?  I totally do that still.  Currently for my husband and a bunch of his fellow nerds. 

I promise that, no later than Tuesday, I will let you in on:

~ the best massage I've ever had in Salt Lake
~ the BEST place to get macarons in Salt Lake, (and macaroons for that matter) and my journey into the world's greatest sugar high from said macarons
~ bulldog heaven in photographic form per usual 
~ photos/link for one of my favourite meals ever... and it's totally healthy and simple!
~ everything else awesome/vaguely interesting/total crap that I'm forgetting to list

May you be heading into a totally dreamy week, dear reader.


Sunday, February 10, 2013

So, This Week Happened and Whatever

Well, we are a monogamous canine household once again:

I have to admit that I am having Cooper withdrawals.  Guy, on the other hand, is totally relieved to be the ONLY center of attention again.  Here's the thing, while Guy is totally not amused when Cooper falls asleep on him:

I cannot get enough of it.  That little monster snores like a machine gun.  Dead serious.  It sounds like a machine gun.  Oh lawd, is it loud!!!  One night, whilst I was covering my ears with a heavy quilt to subdue the blast from the snores, Cooper decided to make himself a nest on my legs... he can totally keep a snore going while awake and moving about.  That dog can snore the living daylights out of anything.  And it FEELS like heaven.  It must be like being in the womb, but way better.  I have never slept as well as I did with his snores rumbling through his great belly and expansive jaw along my limbs.  Spas could charge a fortune for a Coop extravaganza.  I spent the next 5 nights shoving my feet and legs under him and sleeping like a... well, prolly like a bulldog. 

While I'm on a roll regaling you with tales of bulldog snores, let me add this: in an attempt to compete with his cousin, Guy was snoring as loud as his Old English snout would allow, but he just could not match the grandeur of that singularly impressive snore belonging to his English counterpart.  But the attempt was totally darling if you have a bulldog obsession or whatever.

At any rate, I have been bemoaning this blog post all day.  I mean, what is the point of having a weekly wrap-up if it's not written every week?  And the interwebs are always touting consistency when it comes to blog success.  So, I made a rule for myself that I would write- at the very LEAST- a post every Sunday evening, knowing full well that I hate rules.  I HATE rules.  And now I am constantly trying to rebel against my OWN rule.  And this, dearest reader, is why I'm currently accepting applications for a freelance lobotomist.  Send 'em over!

I intend to write a more inspired post soon!  For now, I'll put you out of your misery and wrap this schnizzle up.

THIS WEEK FOR DINNER (is shameful!)

Monday:  No one knows.  Neither Andy, nor I can remember for the life of us what we ate.  If the dog knows, he's staying mum.

Tuesday:  This was when my ultimate girl from high school magically re-entered my life, so I went home and hauled ass to go see her and her sweet family before they took off the following morning.  I ate Taco Bell.  And it was delicious *liesprostrateonthtegroundinshame*  I just totally almost left that saying *liesPROSTATE...  awesomesauce.

Wednesday: Stove top casserole with frozen peas.  I do not mean I made this on my stove top.  I am talking about the stuffing.  AND I got the recipe from Kraft foods.  Oh lawd in heaven, save me from my love of gross comfort foods.  I threw the frozen peas in to add some nutritional value.  No lies, I love this casserole.  

Thursday: Roasted red pepper and goat cheese alfredo on linguine.  I roasted the peppers myself, y'all.  I also roasted artichokes with garlic, lemon and olive oil.

Friday:  my oldest brother was in town, so we met him and my dad at The Dodo for some reliably tasty and low-key noshing.

Saturday: I ordered Chinese and this happened:

I am all sorts of allergic to seafood, including fish.  There must have been some fish sauce in the noodles I ordered, which means sexiness and nausea ensued.  Thank god there was no shellfish involved!  I am fortunate that my shellfish allergy does not lead to anaphylactic shock, but just SEVERE food poisoning.  Did I not tell you I'm allergic to EVERYTHING?!

Sunday:  we went to my parents' and I must be REALLY low on iron because I ate THREE steaks.  It's a good thing I already have myself signed up for a rigorous week of Xtend Barre!

Speaking of which, my husband is coming to a couples' class on Tuesday that they are doing for Valentine's.  This should certainly provide blog fodder.

Speaking of which, Be My Valentine, dear reader... 'cause you know I love you and whatever.


Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Friendship Never Dies

So, y'all prolly thought I was avoiding you, or whatever, but let me assure that my super post-poned weekly wrap-up is more than justified.  First:

These guys!  And you're all like, "Whoa!", or "Yeah!", or "MOARRRRRR!!!".  I totally have more, but let me first explain my myself.  It was the SuperBowl or something on Sunday.  All I know is that people kept alluding to some big TV event.  I hadn't watched TV for nearly 3 weeks, so I was like, "What IS it?!".  And then I found out:

There was a Law & Order: Original Gangsta MARATHON.  OMGZ!!!  If you think I did not watch 10 episodes straight, you are wrong.  Dead wrong.  Jack McCoy 4eva!  (I totally need to tattoo that on my butt).  Do you forgive me for my neglect?  Do you understand that in no way could I have done anything else?  Good.  We're back on speaking terms.

So, the oil pulling is still happening:


I don't feel any noticeable difference.  I'm still pretty early in the process, which, as far as I can tell, could go on for as long as you like... I'm talking 'til death do us part.  I tried to take a photo of my teeth, but as you have relentlessly witnessed on this blog, dear reader, my photographic skills leave a LOT to be desired.  Speaking of Law & Order, I always imagine that if I were the "perp" on an episode of SVU- like a kidnapper, not a rapist... get your mind out of the gutter- the kid would only be able to describe me as "the yellow-toothed monster"... damn you genetics!

Above would be the police sketch of me in said Law & Order: SVU episode.  I have great things ahead of me, clearly.  The point is that, while I think there is some difference in the colour of my teeth for the better, my husband is confident that there is.

This is totally my sleeping arrangement as of late.  Bulldog heaven, y'all.  Aslo, I need to get this level of stink-eye down:

During my time at Vassar, and on several non-Vassar related trips to NYC over the course of my lifetime, I have been known to give semi-important people the stink-eye in elevators.  Always in elevators.  For reasons soon to follow, I will be spending more time in LA and I need to get my stink-eye down pact.  I mean, there aren't that many elevators, but LA is absolutely DROWNING in SEMI-important people.  I can't wait!

So, this week has been filled with nothing short of miracles of all sorts and sizes.  Point in case:  I ran into my very best friend from high school at work yesterday.  She was in town only until this morning and ended up at Anthro seemingly by accident- I totally believe in fate, y'all... fate brought me my sweet Guyguyguy.  We haven't seen each other in over a decade.  And it was a joyous reunion, but I have to admit I was so insanely nervous at first.  Like she was going to think I was a loser both in life and looks.  I am just riddled with insecurities and I need to control my nasty habit of projecting this onto others.  So, happiness ensued and I need to get to LA to continue said happiness and reuniting.

And then there was a little miracle that I have been praying for constantly... that my sweet, beautiful, talented, and dearly loved friend, SheWalksSoftly, would make it to LA for second opinions and further help for some ungodly health dilemnas she has been facing.  And she made it!  My heart sings!  

My beautiful friends are a short and (RELATIVELY) inexpensive flight away... and I could never forget to include my lovely Lola Berlin without whom this blog would have remained nameless.  Paris really isn't the same without you!

Sorry, Christmas.  You just got SHOWN.  So, let's belated-ly wrap this kisser up:


Monday:  Philly cheesesteak stuffed green peppers with rosemary and olive oil bread (I bought the bread).  I forgot to photograph these because I could not wait to eat them.  They make amazeballs sound like one trite adjective.  

Tuesday:  Slow cooker beef stroganoff with buttloads of fresh dill... I forgot to make a vegetable, but I'm fairly certain dill counts.

Hit up my Pinterest for the recipes.

Wednesday:  We headed out to mi la Cai to sate my pho craving.  This trip was, sadly, not up to par.

Thursday:  My husband lost his spaghetti squash virginity, which I served with a tomato basil sauce (it was store bought *hangsheadinshame*) and then destroyed all low carb/healthy goodness with my pesto pull-apart ooey-gooey super cheesey bread.

Friday: We went skiing with my dad and my friend Steve at Solitude (can you believe this is my 30th season?!)... we were pooped and had leftovers.

Saturday:  I had to work per usual, so it was fend for yourself.

Sunday:  All the awesome locally owned pizza places were closed so we ordered Pizza Hut (no offense, but... BARF!!!).  I mean, I HAD to watch 10 hours of Law & Order to deal with that.  I literally had a salt hangover on Monday.

A million cheers to good friends and small miracles!